what is FITNESS?
well, first of all, why are you reading this? don’t you get it? FITNESS is alpha, omega, and beta wrestling in a vat full of molten G.I. Joe action figures. it’s the feeling when you’re only drinking tap water at the bar due to an acute absence of funds, but it doesn’t even matter because your friend is the embodiment of gin anyway. this is nazi-punching music. this is kafkaesque in that it’s not really kafkaesque at all. he would love that. also, FITNESS is a band. i mean, i guess? pretty limiting term, band. the wonders were a band. steel dragon was also a band.
but anyway, back to my central inquiry: why are you reading this? did you catch the first show with tanlines and gina turner? did you hear “i don’t feel anything,” immediately super-felt everything, then clicked your way to here? perhaps you accidentally ended up on this page after deep-diving into fitness-related hashtags on instagram, scrolling through copious sweaty bodies only to eventually stumble upon what is inarguably the musical equivalent of a sweaty body?
at any rate, welcome to FITNESS. i’m glad you could make it. to make your trip truly worth the time and apparent lack of effort, let’s see what max collins (eve 6) and kenny carkeet (ex awolnation) have to say about the FITNESS vibes and what the fuck they expect us to do with them.
reached by cellular telephone while preparing for future FITNESS fuckeries in the form of an EP, collins expressed optimism regarding the bandlowkey cult’s current vibes. “i have no fucking idea who you are,” collins said. “please stop calling me.” FITNESS, he added, is undoubtedly the new wave. “seriously,” he said. “stop calling me.” [inaudible expletive] *dial tone*